The Right Questions

It's been consistent.  Since my "So Many Questions" blog, we've all been experimenting with this notion Kody has picked up that boys kiss only girls, and vice versa.  The other day, Grandpa bought Kody an actual Kermit and Fozzy doll from the Disney Store.  When my wife had them so excited to know they were going home together that they kissed, my beautiful, sweet, innocent 4 1/2 year old son said without missing a beat: "Fozzy's not a girl!"  Later when prompted to wonder what marriage is by the most diverse Disney movie to date, Frozen, Kody seemed to think it more appropriate that he marry Ema than me.
   It's real.  It's consistent.  The weedy heterosexist paradigm has taken root in my son's brain.  It's gotten me thinking all week about what it would take to combat this.  Just this morning, on the way to work I heard a transgendered woman of color talking on the radio about the violence she experienced upon arrival to our "progressive" New York City, and found myself agreeing with her assertion, that as many different people as there are here, as much tolerance as we assume, - no where is there more blind prejudice as right here!  Just as she was targeted and beaten right in the same area where the Stonewall Riots changed the course of our cultural history, so I have experienced more back stabbing, blatant homophobia as well.  In addition, almost 500 gay men were attacked last year here alone.  TV images are not enough.  Marriage "Equality" is not even enough.  When prejudice and ignorance are backed by history, religion, and law, - what can stop them?  We've come so very far, yet we truly have so far to go.
   The facts remain that heterosexists don't watch "Wil and Grace. " And heterosexists miss that flash of a gay family in a sauna during the store scene of Disney's Frozen.   Heterosexists, in fact, rarely even realize they're heterosexist!  Why would they?  Their kids don't assume Mom and Dad are siblings!
   But one other thing happened this week.  Back in the days when I was first struggling with the realization that I was in fact attracted to woman like I'd always assumed I should be attracted to men, I came across a cable TV show called Queer as Folk. Amy and I both did, and we watched week by week, learning, judging, sometimes laughing with the characters.  Some of it was cheesy.  Some of it raunchy.  The day we were hooked was the day the last episode of season one aired.
   There we watched jaw dropped as the main couple, Brian and Justin, danced to the tune of "Save the Last Dance" in front of all Justin's Catholic High School peers at his Prom!
   Maybe this sounds humdrum to you.  But there are so many romantic situations that scare the homophobic (even the out queer ones) to their cores, and imagining the fear of dancing - and dancing in front of straight people - and dancing in front of straight people at something as traditional as a prom - and a CATHOLIC school prom - it stops you in your tracks!  Even them - two beautiful, fit, rhythmic gay men (who could possibly be better dancers?) - to watch them together was a moment in my life I will never forget.  You're dumbfounded.  It wasn't a fancy dance.  There was no theatrics.  They were just two guys, both in suits, who happened to love each other, dancing.
   It's the kind of scene that forces you to examine your expectations - your prejudices - your insecurities.  And they do it so well, so eloquently, that by the end you want to leap out of your seat and cheer them on (at least I did) because the process of watching that dance is healing.
   This gave me an idea.
   Queer as Folk just finally came on Netflix.  I put it on.  It was just playing on my phone, but Kody loves music.  I think he's attracted to all things classic.  "What's that music coming from Mom?" he asked like clockwork.
   "A show" I said.
   "Oh, a show.  Can I see?"
   Perfect.
   His eyes adjusted to the image.  Yup.  That was indeed two men - dancing - the Fox Trot.  I let the image settle into his mind.
   "They love each other."  I said.  "Isn't that sweet?"
   "Yes" he said.  He watched a little longer, and then eventually moved on to other things.
   But, that was a moment.  And there will be others.  I just have to cease every opportunity.
     We need more than the right questions though.  We need the right images.
     And we need them everywhere!