I have an uncle who told me once that he "didn't mind" my being gay as long as I never birthed my own children. He wasn't particularly religious but expressed a kind of scientific dogma that was new at least to my experience. He knew and accepted that 10% of most given populations (human or animal) are gay. What he derived from this however, was that to him "gayness" could be explained as a natural form of population control. He felt that 90% of any given population must "naturally" be charged with the burdens of sustaining that population, mainly reproduction, while this elite 10% can focus their energies on what the rest are too tired to accomplish. In his mind, my sexuality was "ok" by him provided I either abstained from having a family, or did so only through some means of adoption. This way I was either adhering to "Nature's wishes" by focusing on some kind of furthering of my species (professionally I guess), or caring for "another's" child to relieve them from the burden of having to do so.
If it makes anybody feel any better about the vehicles and personality of "Nature," it might amuse you as much as it did me to know his daughter came out as gender fluid to me just a few years after his assertions.
Regardless of all this unsolicited speculation, it's true that study after study exlpores the success of same sex parented families. We are often put under a microscope and held accountable in every possible way.
Regardless of all this unsolicited speculation, it's true that study after study exlpores the success of same sex parented families. We are often put under a microscope and held accountable in every possible way.
I find it absurd now in hindsight that anybody ever uttered the words "gay parents can be just as good as straight parents." I find it absurd because I now know that being gay didn't make me "as good as" straight parents. Being gay made me an exceptional parent. Not only that, but being gay made my wife an exceptional parent. It made my friends exceptional parents, even when they divorce! And ultimately, it made our children, our schools, our communities, our whole planet and future - so much more exceptional.
I remember the peculiar hurt and anger I felt at this uncle. My mother died young and I have no biological siblings. The thought of someone telling me I couldn't - or shouldn't - ever make a child based on some obligation to ...nothingness was just too difficult to internalize.
But such is the nature of our political existence these days. Even as study after study shows that kids of same sex couples grow up loved and supported by two people who at this point in our evolution fought hard internally and often externally to be together, only to then often even have to fight harder to have a family. They show these kids start off awesome, well provided for, and looked after generally by grateful, enthusiastic, attentive parents who definitively planned to have them and raise them. By mid-elementary school studies show they sometimes begin to report being teased in some way by their peers due to their same sex family and many at this point face that choice between authenticity or a kind of clandestine existence. No matter what they choose by high school they are more aware, more confident and more adventurous, and yes, they are often more sexually adventurous, meaning these kids don't stay in any closet long. They are who they are often faster than even any of us pioneers. Overall all of them wind up just as often straight as gay - meaning "gay" parents don't have "gay" kids any more than straight parents do. But our kids know what it is to be different, and they deal with it sooner rather than later. But they also do so knowing they are wanted and loved unconditionally by their community the whole time. Love is what defines this culture and community. There is no other cutlure like ours.
That's the difference here. I started off life wanting to be a preacher and wound up rounding life's twists and turns until I find myself with a same sex family. That road has afforded me with a lot of sympathies and perspective shifts I can now handle with ease. I'm well practiced now at being loyal and religious, scientific and dogmatic, happy and sad, and different and ok with that.
When it turned out one of my children was on the autism spectrum, I understood that I'd been thrust back in to another more complicated kind of closet. Here I was with a kid who could easily "pass," but also with a unique understanding of the rewards that come from valuing honesty and support and how much they outweigh the burdens. I also knew the pitfalls and impositions of a stranger's fear and the insecurities that make one vulnerable to them. And throughout all of it I also now have to navigate this process while shouldering a responsibility to a future adult of whom I was actually busy helping to shape.
It makes your head spin! And as another of my children is deciding between his/her gender identity, I'm providing the safety and support with which to explore this territory. My kids will have every opportunity available to support their happiness first, and couldn't have been born into a better family situation to do so.
Because in a nutshell, I rock. My wife rocks. My kids? - totally rock! Who was the first first grade comedic hit at the school talent show? My Kody! Who learned to read at 3, play Chess at four, and practices 2nd grade math (in Kindergarden) almost every night after working on learning a second language? My Niky! Who lives by the mottos "Do no harm" and "Always make new mistakes?" MY kids! And who is prouder than proud to have created, sustained, encouraged, and believed in this family? ME! Being gay made me a exceptional parent! There's nothing equal about us.
