Anybody else feeling like this? I honestly didn’t anticipate the panic I’d feel waking up to the first road trip of 2021. But it was palpable. I don’t like to succumb to fear but my goodness is the universe ever nagging at me about it! I physically feel my knees shake the moment I even contemplate going to the attic (where I fell 2 stories the beginning of last year from). And then there’s Covid. And vaccines. And Breakthrough Covid.
But this morning, it was more than that. It was car accidents. And lakes. Horseback riding - and I’m just swelled up and teary eyed trying to gulp it all down! We cautiously came around to planning this trip just because we knew we had to get out of the house. Just knowing we were going to had relieved some of the claustrophobia. But I’m running statistics and equations in my head trying to mitigate the safely of me, my wife, my mother-in-law, and most of all, my children. Equations I’ve been able to set aside for the most part just knowing we were all sleeping under the same roof each night. But now…
This isn’t me. I jumped out of planes for Pete’s Sake!
And yet, here we are on the road again knowing we’re not going home later (we brought our own pillowcases!) My wife has been amazing with me this year. Year and a half. It’s been probably the bumpiest ride of our relationship - testing boundaries and tolerance and love. We just discovered Pandora (It’s like the regular radio used to be!) We’re singing and discussing lyrics to songs we haven’t heard in a while. We’re looking at mountain scenes I remember seeing with her decades ago.
I haven’t really been up here in a while. Used to come all the time for Uncle Dany, and later my dad. Both of them are gone now. Amy and I went to colllege up here. We made Kody traversing these roads from all directions. And here we are now living the dream we designed way back then. It’s a lot like we’d hoped. And a lot we never really saw coming. But, from here, life just kinda looks different.
But, it’s not bad. There’s much to do. Lots of experience and challenge and growing and most of all love. Good intention. Change. Evolution. Cautious optimism. It’s just you never really know what’s around the next bend. There’s much I’m not saying. Everyone is in a different place. Guess we’ve all kinda sustained a common trauma. But I’m starting to feel I can breathe again. And for now, I think we’re all a little more aware - one breath at a time.
