Tonight I moved my hammock back to my front lawn.
Doesn’t seem like much to most but that’s just where it wound up last year I think and I’m happy to have it back now where it belongs. I’d brought it to my backyard back in March even though it was one of my favorite winding-down type places to hang out and just watch my little dead end street at night. I was afraid back then (back in March). So afraid I had different shoes I’d wear whether I was in the front or the back of my house. I lost my temper far more often in my front yard than in the back. I relaxed only in the places I knew no stranger was likely to tread. It’s a scary place I need not explain to anyone I know, and I know it’s likely to return. Perhaps in September, or October. Maybe Christmas. Hopefully not next March.
But right now? Right now is beautiful for me. Last night I woke up at 4 am or so, came outside and noticed every planet was visible (every planet as far as Saturn anyway). There wasn’t a cloud or a breath of wind. Just bright moonglow, quiet, twinkling stars and blazingly orange, yellow, and blue planets. Today we drove all over looking for a beach we felt safe to swim at. After a few hours and through a bunch of anxieties, we finally gave up and wound up home, blowing up floaties we hope to use in our new pool a couple weeks from now, and playing around in our little baby pool just to cool off. It was an awesome afternoon with my favorite people on Earth, and tonight all I can do is count my many blessings. Numbers are down in New York (as opposed to many other places I know) and I can tell you we know here that those numbers don’t mean anything is over. But it does feel like we can suddenly stop a moment, and take a breather. It’s relatively safe for me to drag my little hammock out front and hang out watching my street and listening to the kids riding dirt bikes somewhere on roads in the distance. Tonight I’m watching clouds hurry by, listening to the wind through my Maple Tree, following Lightening Bugs and watching jet planes drop into Republic Airport. I can do that now and still listen to Kody laughing loudly at the TV inside as he shares his favorite show with Ema and Niky. They’re so happy home, and I am too. Sure I literally dream now of a time when I can hug my friends and not feel I’ve risked my family. And of places I could travel to and we can all experience. But I know those times will come. And they will be sweeter than they ever have been before. I know because I’m so happy to be back in my hammock right now. And that happiness is palpable.
