Life is a manifestation of the living. And we become exactly what we fear.
The difference is me. Every day I get up and try to juggle everything thrown my way with as much grace as I can muster. There are lines in my sand however. I keep borders I will not allow trespassed, and I don't build walls. I declare decrees. I arm guards. I strategize. You can negotiate your way in, but it won't be easy. There will be slow and deliberate security checks. I will get you in so far there will be no escape. You will have been worthy, or you won't get out. I'm no kid anymore. I know you. I am you. And I'll make us both think.
But this year has taught me how much each moment counts. Every move we make creates reality. I find I'm juggling the contents of my inbox as usual, trying to improve habits, snatching happiness as I find it, and working toward creating more when I can; but the universe tosses in an old bully now and then, and I'm forced to defend myself.
The trick, I think that I've come to own this year, is to not fear being as slow and deliberate about my own steps as I need to be. I pay precise attention to myself, my insecurities, my selfishness, my ego; and I try (I don't always succeed because I am fierce) but I try, to keep them in check. The truth, I am learning, is that they are the real enemies, and by "them" I really mean me. And that has made all the difference.
Because there are no real borders. There never were. It's all real, but manifested; awesome and terrible. It's life. And I have kids. I made children - very deliberately. I chose it for them, and I'm devoted to defending that decision.
But what a magical ride it really is underneath I've come to find. It's as fantastical as every fairy tale I read them. And as dire.
